dear friends, please pray for me! Along with kvtes as we embark on our journey with NET Ministries this upcoming year!
Particularly for me, I would appreciate prayers for openness & faithfulness to Jesus as well as grace to slow down and let love work even if it seems to be taking forever instead of rushing life.
In return, I would love to pray for you. Inbox me or leave a comment here with your prayer requests.
Jesus is so beyond my comprehension. I find myself pondering my past few years- beginning with that night I found myself reading Romans Ch. 8 and everything I decided to turn away from that same night in order to embrace a love I cannot comprehend and ending with the present moment I was in front of the Eucharist. I have wrestled with letting the Lord love me for who I am and not what I do, and that thought kept grinding against my souls’ eyes. It branches from my relationships with people. I thought of how I have engrained in my soul a hard-to-shake corrosion of rust from satan that has taught me people don’t love who I am, they love what I do. Or even worse, they hate what I do and somehow that becomes who I am.
A small voice whispers “help me help you”. It is inaudible, yet it can be heard and it makes sense. Similar to the way a husband and wife of 30 years look similar because they weather the same storms, the closer we are to Jesus the more we pick up on the dimensions of our dialog with him. I have realized something profound that I have a hard time understanding; the past 3 years I have taken delight in what the Lord has done in my life (rightfully so, conversion is something to be thankful about), and have neglected to delight in simply who the Lord is.
The Lord thirsts for us to simply look at him with a delight of sincerity, and he wants to gaze back into our hearts. The holy Cure of Ars once noticed a peasant praying alone each day in the chapel. The Cure asked the peasant what it is exactly he does during this time, to which the peasant replied, “I look at Him and He looks at me”.
Jesus whispers into my heart every day. I hear him sometimes as a quiet and still voice that comes with a sense of peace and other times experience him through a conversation with a dear friend. He is active, he is moving, he is doing, he is staring lovingly, and he simply is.
My name is Jacque and I really suck at loving Jesus. But I’m learning that it’s okay to stare at him and it’s necessary to delight in his being as strongly as I delight in his doing. And through inching towards the balance between the two he’s revealing that I am worth being looked at with a delight in my being not in my doing, and not only worth it, I am looked at in that way by Jesus himself. “help me help you”, he says.
I look at Him, and He looks at me.